"It's fun to lose, and to pretend"

I feel almost too contemplative to figure out what I am thinking.

I found Janel sitting in the warm (November, hehe) night air in a rocking chair on the front porch, and I think her contemplative mood got me into the same.

There is a woman named Angel on our street that seems really lonesome, and Janel always tries to talk to the neighbors, though many say hey with the look that they think she is nuts...it is kinda sad that is how it is though, huh? It is odd to try and get to know your neighbors. Certainly odd to talk to them and ensure that they really care. Janel chatted with her and I tried to join in...and then she told me later after Angel had  gone that she was surprised I joined in, that she certainly had many friends who wouldn't have!

I keep thinking about how it seems most of what people think about religion is almost wrong...I think most of us don't do it how God intended. People in general seem so unhappy as a general rule. Is this how mankind has always been? I've been happy lately in general living for the day, doing what I like, helping others...

I read and have heard often about how we must live right in this right to get to heaven, but overall the better I live now the better I feel now. I don't wanna live with regrets and sadness, I wanna be giving and see others happy...I want to live like Jesus did, to pray that I will be in the right place at the right time to help when I can, to do what I am meant to do even if I am unclear of what it is sometimes. I get filled with joy when I think about love.

Real, true, love, that reaches deep down in through your cornea to deep in your soul, to where you KNOW, beyond a doubt, that that other person loves you, and you just get this feeling of overwhelming joy!

I think now I can be closer to God because now I can fully understand what it means when I realize that he loves me! He loves ME! And that passionate joy makes me want EVERYONE to feel that way!

The world would be different, so very different, if everyone knew and truly believed they were loved. I don't think people could turn down the needy, tease, or injure...I don't think they would need it, if they didn't have such emotional scars...I don't think we could really kill others, in was or in cold blood, because if you know love it seems like you just wanna share it.  I think that's how you know when someone truly loves you.
  • Current Mood
    loved loved


it was a grrrreat, though untraditional (which may have been why it was so grrrreat) thanksgiving!
i was glad to spend it with my band family, and now i shall go home and see my other family!!! :-D

im so thankfuul for so much, and it was awsom ethat we got to march in the parade today :)

i hope everyone else had an enjoyable holiday as well, and realizes how very much we have to be greatful of :) it excitems me!!!


and now to play the drive home game MAWHAHAHA!!!

somtimes i get myself soooo excited!!!

so, the other day in class i was in lala land (as usual) and was thinking about winter guard, cause although our band director at york hs said we are not having one, i guess i havent really given up, i would at least try and negotiate and show how we can do it perdy cheaply if we use the preexisting floor (which the girls say they have, but not verified) or we dont even need a floor, no new flags or coutumes, and fundraising (the girls are wayyyy dedicated and i know they would fundraise their hearts out...and they have a bunch of people who marched for fall interested in doing indoor guard)....im *thinking* it wouldnt be *too* much with all that facotred in...besides, he wants to have a good guard and see this as a rebuilding year, but they arnt gonna get any better if they dont get to spin (granted if we cant have a competing guard we can always make a show and go preform at the middle schools or somthing for recruitment, but it would be more fun to compete...and if not that then probobly just some spinning senssions, which i guess we wouldnt get paid for, but it would be worth it....the girls love to spin, and i dont wanna limit that)

ANYWAYS...since i first read about it (and a lil before that, but not as seriously) i have had this dream of making a special ed/general pop color guard...and anyone and everyone would be able to do it!!! regardless of if you cant move at all...i WILL find some way for you to be involved....everyone needs a team, everyone needs to be needed, and music is a grrreat way to do this!!! I LOVE guard and i LOVE special ed...
so i have it all planned out: in a few years, after im all used to being a teacher, and hopefully i will have my own lil guard somewhere too, i wanna start a guard open to everyone...there is a chance i then end up with too many, but heck, maybe they could then be sister guards or somthing and i could have others help me out so i dont have to limit it cause of nubers....within reason of course. though i dont forsee that being a problem at first. we wouldnnt compete but hopefully aia would let us be exibition...or who knows, maybe some day there will be enough of these guards that it will be its own class, how AWSOME would that be?!?!! WGI, sport of the arts...AND of incusion for EVERYONE!!! MAWHAHAHA, HOW KICK ASS WOULD THAT BE, FOR SERIOUS?!?!?!
and i truly mean everyone. i would find an acomadation for anyone...regardless of the disability being behavioral or physical or intellectual...ive sat around thinking of an accomodation for just about everything, but im sure there will be somthing to stump me...but if they want in, they will be in!!!

this makes me very happy and excited.

for the present, i still REALLLLLLY hope my york guardies get a winter guard.

and thinking about guard, or special education, is not actrully the same as wring a paper for history of psych (GAH) so i should get back to that....i just had to get my excitment out somewhere!!!
  • Current Mood
    bouncy bouncy

"No one's listening" (Goo Goo Dolls)

They painted up your secrets
And the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew
And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming?
No one's listening anyway.

Your voice is small and fading
And you're hiding here unknown
And you mother loves you father
'cause she's got nowhere to go
And she wonders where these dreams go
'cause the world got in her way
What's the point in never trying?
Nothing's changing anyway.

They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway
And you know I see right through you
'cause the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming?
You're not listening anyway
  • Current Mood
    confused confused but hopeful!